An extremely bad day
by dancing barefoot in my socks
Summary: A story that has been written in order to annoy one of my best friends. You can read and review if you want. But be warned, there is extreme silliness and general confusion. I'm finished for now but if anyone wants me to continue, i will!
1. An Extremely Bad Day Begins

*A note of the utmost importance : This is not gonna be a real fanfic. I am mainly writing this for two reasons. 1) to get rid of that annoying cliché of ´ this is my first fanfic, please don't flame me ! ª . I really don't care who reviews, whatever you send is a matter of your own personal opinions, and I'm actually just writing this for fun and to annoy the friend who is mentioned in the story. 2) I am totally bored and the teacher in here says that I have to do SOMETHING with my spare time

Disclaimer : I wish I owned Inuyasha, I sure don't own Kanika, and I thank god every day that I don't own Mrs. Janis or Pepper. I do own my cat Frisk who is not even mentioned in this story but you never know

One sunny day, Kanika (the friend whom I am getting back at) was walking cheerfully through the woods in Feudal Japan. (Please don't ask me how she got there, I am sure that she has several secrets that she does not wish to share with any of us.) As stated, she was enjoying herself walking alone through the woods ( yes I know that it sounds kind of weird, but then again, nobody is perfect). All of a sudden, little Kanika heard a loud whooshing noise. Yes, it was Naraku's evil minion ( I like that word) Mrs. Janis, my Civics teacher. ( This woman may not exactly be in league with Naraku, I just don't like her). Mrs. Janis, however, was not looking to kidnap Kanika (it's not her style) she just whooshed by, causing Kanika to fall to the ground by the after effects of her evilness. Sadly, Kanika broke her arm, and she did what she swore she would never do. Kanika cried. Yes, the great and mighty karate Kanika broke down crying. Then she realized that it was pretty stupid to be sitting on the ground alone in the woods, so she got up and kept on walking ( and yes her arm is still broken). 

As she trudged along (hehehe trudged is a cool word), she smelled something positively dreadful on the breeze. Fearing that it could possibly be the return of Mrs. Janis or something equally large and smelly, she hid in a convenient hole that was lying by the side of the path. Unfortunately for Kanika, this hole was a trap. (I'm not quite sure for what, because what stupid animal is gonna fall into an uncovered hole ?) Looking down the very deep hole, Kanika saw that there were sharp sticks at the bottom of the hole. She screamed but she kept on falling (remember : she's ALONE in the woods). When she hit the bottom, she landed on the sharp sticks. ( I never said they were sticking up to impale anything, I just said they were there). Kanika yelled and screamed and lots of other verbs that are in the thesaurus under yelling', and eventually she was heard. 

A pair of cute little white ears pricked up, some where else in the woods and their owner immediately dashed off to investigate. When our hero reached the hole that it was obvious only a stupid person would fall into, he thought Maybe it's my Kikyo'. Alas, it was only Kanika. ´ Help, Help ª she yelled. You're not Kikyo', said Inuyasha, stating the obvious. Of course I'm not !', Kanika stated, thouroughly miffed that anyone would think her screaming sounded remotely like Kikyo ( I'm not sure I've ever heard Kikyo scream, but let's just pretend that they sound quite alike.) Well, if you're going to be so rude, then you can just stay there , said Inuyasha, bounding away gracefully and oh so sexily. Aw, shoot,' said Kanika, I was rude and now everybody's leaving me alone.' (Get over it, Kanika. It was just one person)

So Kanika sat there for a week and eventually she realized that there was a downside to living in a hole in the woods. When it rained, she got wet. Very wet. Yes, Kanika was swimming in a hole in the woods. (hahaha she's gonna kill me). All off a sudden (things happen suddenly in the shows. There's not really all that much room for dawdling. Stupid commercials. I could watch Inuyasha dawdle around all day. On to the story I'm getting sidetracked), Kanika heard a squelching noise. Se got really freaked out but eventually (think two hours later) she realized that mud isn't supposed to fall down like rain does (oh, she's a bright one, our Kanika is). She looked up to see none other than Shippo throwing mud at her. Boy, Inuyasha was right when he said you were thick !' 

He called me thick ?' 

Yeah, and stupid too.' 

Wow, that is so romantic !'

NO actually, he was calling you some pretty bad names that my mommy said that I should never repeat if I heard them said'

well could you stop throwing mud at me ?'

No. 

And so Kanika sat in her hole for three more days. And Shippo threw mud at her and then when the mud dried, he started throwing rocks at her. Kanika finally realized that she could retaliate by throwing the sharp and pointy sticks at Shippo. However, there were not as many sticks as there were rocks. Shippo finally realized that he needed some sleep, so he went to sleep. By now the water left in the hole was only up to Kanika's ankles, and she was able to take a nap without worrying about whether or not she would get hit by a rock. But the little fox up at the top of the hole was not really Shippo. In truth, it was Miroku (He's also got some secrets about what he can do and can't so there.) Miroku walked away after he was sure that Kanika was asleep, saying that he had done the impossible by finding a girl who he would never ask to bear his child. Kanika sighed. It must be the ho-pants.' (She woke up while Miroku was mumbling to himself. Yes I know you missed it. Bad you.)

Our exceptionally bright friend in the hole (Kanika) sat there thinking (for once). She decided that she probably ought to look around the rest of the hole that she was trapped in. Looking around, she saw the amazingly large anchor in the hole which could easily work as a grappling hook. So she threw it up , but it fell on her head and knocked her out.(have y'all ever seen a real anchor ? Those things are BIG !) When she woke up, she repeated the process and consequently got knocked out. She did this for several times (I told you she was bright). 

When eventually our sort-of heroine woke up, she realized that there was something nibbling on her ankles. She figured that it was probably a ferret and went back to sleep. When she woke up again, she felt something gnawing on her knees. Deciding that she ought to tell this ferret what's what, she looked down only to meet a horrible sight that she had hoped never to see again in this lifetime. It was Pepper. (For all of you who haven't stopped reading this story yet, Pepper is a rabbit. She is probably seven years old by now and I have known all along that she is a demon rabbit. She is a school rabbit and belongs to the science teachers. Every summer in elementary school, the teachers let the students take the animals home so that if the animals died, the blame wouldn't fall upon our sadistic teachers. My friend took Pepper home over the summer and Pepper lived in her bathroom. Whenever my friend sat down to use the toilet, Pepper would sneak out from behind the tank and bite her ankles. Pepper was a demon rabbit.) When Kanika looked down, she realized that Pepper was eating her and had already swallowed her legs and was still going. Kanika struggled but to no avail. Pepper was hungry and wasn't going to let go. Soon a very fat Pepper was hopping around the hole in the forest and Kanika was no more. 


	2. Lots of Stupid in the Rain

            Ha ha ha! I'll bet y'all thought that was the end of my story! Well ha! Too bad! There's gonna be lots more! Kanika got mad that I was going to kill her off so here is chapter two!

            PG WARNING: A rabbit throws up in this chapter. If this is not your kind of thing, it's your choice as to whether or not you read it. However, if rabbits throwing up are your kind of thing, what kind of sick weirdo are you?

            Disclaimer: I still don't own Pepper, sometimes I wish I owned Kouga, and my cat ate a chipmunk today.

            Our story left off right after the incredibly bright Kanika all owed herself to be eaten alive by Pepper, the demon rabbit from Hell…

            Pepper sat at the bottom of the hole in the woods, alone. She was feeling rather large and not-so-well. Realizing the peril of being stuck in a hole with a puddle *coughlakecough* (have any of y'all ever seen a rabbit puke? that is no small mess to clean up!) of her own vomit (I know this is gross but this is a story about Kanika, not Pepper). So, being a demon and all, Pepper used her super-leaping powers to leap out of the hole (well, what else do you think she'd do?). When Pepper got out, she leaped off behind a cool clump of celadon clover (ooooh alliteration! my English teacher would be so proud of me! *****does a dance OH I just learned from my handy-dandy thesaurus that "celadon" is another word for "green". just thought you might want to know.). Pepper was discreetly and privately sick behind that clover clump. Eventually, she hopped off, leaving a slimy and unconscious Kanika on the ground. (This is SO gross and I am sorry for the graphic details. I had painted myself into a corner, so to speak, and there was no other way out of it. I hope you vomit-loving weirdos are happy, because that's all the vomit in this chapter.)

            When Kanika woke up, she passed out from a stench that was not unlike that of the evil Mrs. Janis (that witch gave me a detention today for having my shirt slightly untucked! oh the horrors!) When Kanika woke up again, it was because of something pattering on her face. Thinking it was the return of Pepper (that would make a good horror movie title. that and "Pepper Strikes Again"), she woke up ready to fend any and all demon rabbits away. But luckily for Kanika, the pattering was only rain. (Y'all are probably wondering why this would be lucky. So why are you still reading this? The story takes place outside of the parentheses. Inside the parentheses is where all the little voices in my head can congregate to comment on my story. Anyways, on with the story!) The rain was a lucky occurrence because it washed away all the rabbit vomit and made Kanika a good deal less smelly. 

            While thinking about how lucky she was to be standing in the rain alone in the woods with rabbit vomit streaming in rivulets off of her ho-pants (hehehe "rivulets" is a cool word), Kanika heard a crunching noise to her left. Of course, wonderfully intelligent Kanika flicked her head to the right and ran fearfully towards the noise (Remember: she's totally confused herself by swimming in circles for about a week. So now she's running TO the noise. Just making sure y'all got that. Back to the adventure!) As Kanika dashed through the trees to her ultimate doom and destruction, a certain young wolf-demon (well, he's not really young in human years, but he LOOKS like he's about 22 and that's all that matters with the way this storyline is going) pricked his nose and smelled the elemental danger that Kanika was dashing to. So he ran really fast (screw the thesaurus) and was about to pick the fair maiden up as he sped by but he was just too late. They were both stuck in a clearing full of the most awful things in the world. There were things that even spiders are scared of (scariest thing that I could come up with right off the bat, sorry!). Kouga (if you hadn't figured that out by now) opened his mouth to scream but then…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~…

            What will happen? Will Kouga do something very un-Kouga-like and scream? What's in the clearing? What is Kanika doing at that moment? Is she curled up in the fetal position with fear or is she staring dreamily at the rainwater streaming off of Kouga's hard, muscled chest? (Yeah, he lost his shirt somewhere in the woods. And the real Kanika is gonna kill me for writing this…) 

            These are very good questions and once I have the answers to them, I shall update once more and be astoundingly triumphant. But now I must find some socks. I have this incredible urge to dance.


	3. How Can a Toaster Wear a Sombrero?

            Reviews!?!? Um, y'all, I really wasn't expecting to get any reviews. I really wasn't expecting anybody to read my story. How weird. Why, y'all? Oh well, there must be some reverse psychology effect going on…

Silvercat: You are so sweet! Am I really a  "competent writer of unknown talent"? Seriously, this whole fic was just going to be a prank on the real Kanika. It took me maybe an hour to come up with it. (I typed it as I thought it.) Sure, you can read a story that I came up with. I wrote it a few years ago and once I get the guy who lives in the computer lab to show me how to make an attachment on the school email, you can read it!

Kattztar: If you think that's twisted, you should meet my friends…

Kitsune-balloon: lol! Thanks! Come on, if this made you laugh, then it can't be all that hard to do!

Thomas Jefferson: Hey cool name! I had to do a report on him in 5th grade! Hey, I don't know if we should kill your friend, maybe we should just stick her in a hole (lol) until she admits that Inuyasha is the hottest guy in the world (well, he's in a tie with Orlando Bloom…um, you ARE a girl aren't you?). Yeah there's only one writer of this fic (me) and you were warned about the insanity. I'm just gonna let y'all guess about my gender (it adds to the mysterious allure of the story. Oh well maybe not. I'm just gonna be contrary.)

Mewchild: DEMON RABBIT IN MY CLOSET!!! Aaaaarrrrgggghhhh! Did you ever see 'Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail'? If you did, think of the rabbit that they had to blow up with the holy hand grenade, except black so that she can sneak up on you I the dark. Yep. Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: My friend owns the DVD of "The Brave Little Toaster", I am pleased to announce that I DO NOT own Justin from American Idol, Kouga is not owned by me, and my cat bit me on the foot today.

PG WARNING (again): Justin from American Idol appears in this chapter. Shield your eyes, little children. Be afraid, be very afraid.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~

            Our story left off as Kanika and Kouga stood petrified in the clearing in the rain. Kouga looked like he was about to scream when…

            He keeled over. He dropped like a stone. He was out for the count. He realized that the author had run out of phrases for fainting, so he was a good little wolf-demon and did what he was told to do. The sight in the clearing was horrible beyond comparison. The entire cast of "the Brave Little Toaster" was lined up in a line (obviously). (As a side note, which will probably digress into meaningless babble, I saw this movie when I was five. Now, whenever we have company over, my mom feels this incredible urge to tell them how I wouldn't go near the kitchen for about a week. Does this qualify as abuse?) Even more horrible was that at the head of the kitchen-appliance squadron was Justin from last-season's American Idol (this guy is so scary). Yet the scariest part of the whole tableau was the fact that everyone was wearing sombreros. And not just any sombreros. The wore the kind that stuck out two feet from your head, colored bright yellow and had red tassel things dangling off of the edges. Justin's didn't really fit quite right, it sort of perched on top of that poofy animal he wears on his head all the time (why does he do that? It's obviously not hair.)

            When Justin started singing "La Cucaracha" with all of the blenders, toasters, electric blankets, vacuum cleaners, and I don't remember what else singing backup, (the big scary car-crushing machine sang bass), Kanika screamed and ran away very fast. When she got about half a mile away (she runs track and when she really runs, she looks like the roadrunner in those cartoons; she's just a blur), she realized that she had left the love of her life (Kouga) unconscious in a clearing full of rabid toasters and Justin, Kanika stopped running and stood confused. She quickly (for Kanika, that's only a couple days) decided that it would be a good idea to go see the new Matrix movie when she got back home. (Yes, I know this doesn't make much sense. But then again, neither does the real Kanika.) So Kanika kept on walking, completely erasing (instead of just halfway) the fact that she was leaving Kouga alone in the woods. Sadly, Kouga was dragged off by the evil appliances and was never heard from again. (Maybe Justin ate him.)

            And as Kanika walked away from the Clearing of Doom, she realized that this saga would have to end soon. She also realized that the author was eventually going to kill her off the way the storyline was going. Kanika also realized how hard it is to write a story and study for exams, one of which is being given by the evil Mrs. Janis. So Kanika (and I) send out this plea: how should this story end without the gruesome death of Kanika? (Because while some reviewers seem to find this fic insanely amusing, I really do have to study for my Civics exam. And I don't want to make this one of those long-drawn out fics that you find out there. I do think that those are really good; I just don't think that this type of fic is one of those that will be good in the long-drawn out way. It would probably get worse and worse as time went on. So, send me your craziest ideas for an ending and I probably will finangle them all into one big ending. I'll make the deadline, oh, let's say May 27th to send ideas in by. I would spend the time to create some amazing ending, but I really don't want to go to summer school with Mrs. Janis… Hey if you send in something really creative, you can have a pair of my favorite dancing socks! *The socks themselves don't dance, you have to do that part, sorry!)


	4. Okey Dokey Hokey Pokey

Woohoo another review!!! Yay!  
  
Mewchild: Thanks for the review! You know, I had totally forgotten about Naraku..I'm just gonna twist your idea around a little, okay? Oh and since you were the ONLY reviewer who sent me an idea as to what to do with Kanika, you get a pair of my favorite dancing socks!!! *hands over the magical socks Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Naraku, but sometimes he lets me borrow his cape.  
  
When our story last left off, a perky and carefree Kanika was whistling her way from the Clearing of Doom (as a special note to all Kouga lovers: I don't really have anything against him, he just wasn't doing his part to move the story along). Kanika whistled the song "I Like My Head" as she strolled through the woods (full explanation at the end of the story), wandering aimlessly and occasionally walking into trees. Suddenly (not slowly), she stopped her whistling. Who could be calling her name? Everyone that she knew in this time had either left her in a hole or had been eaten. Deciding that it was her imagination (hey, um, it wasn't. to all those who hadn't picked up on that yet.), she continued on her way to wherever she was going (because I sure as heck don't know). While meandering, she was pleased to have finally figured out that her best friend the author wasn't going to kill her off. In the middle of this happy thought, she came upon another clearing (she ought to realize by now that these clearings are all bad things). However, what was in this clearing was definitely a vast improvement over her past encounters (look, I know it says encounters like there were more but just imagine that there were more).  
For in this clearing, was Naraku. (To most of us, he's sorts of the bad guy/villain/ scoundrel/blackguard/knave/rascal/rouge/evildoer/I'm copying all this out of my thesaurus.but to Kanika, that albino orangutan cape/cloak/mantle/robe/burnoose/domino/shield/disguise/concealment was the sexiest outfit in the world. Oh yes. Please don't ask why; I have no answers.) And Naraku was doing Kanika's favorite pastime (ewwwww! No it's not that you dirty-minded pervs!) -the hokey pokey. You see, when Naraku says "Kukukuku" all the time, it's really his personal theme song. And where else does a theme song go better than with your own favorite dance? So Naraku jumped and shook and turned himself around (did anything but dance.) while singing "Kukukuku" and providing Kanika with glimpses of what's really under the albino orangutan skin (i.e. nothing). "Oh," said Kanika, "So that's what it's all about." (hahaha get it? Well, I think it's a good joke.)  
Kanika was suddenly filled with a sudden urge (lust? I hope not) to dance (oh, god, no!). And so she pulled out her matching albino orangutan skin and starting hokey-pokeying right along with Naraku. Eventually, they hokeyed and pokeyed themselves out and fell in a heap in the middle of the clearing . Naraku rolled over and (sucked her brains out) started whispering sweet nothings into her ear. (no just kidding about the brain thing; I already said that I wouldn't kill her. I was just thinking that would be a good ending to the story.sigh.)(okay, here's yet another of my notes: I'm just gonna let y'all insert what you want to happen here. I was gonna make it lemony or even limey but that isn't going to happen because Kanika would definitely kill me tomorrow and not give me that CD that she promised me she would burn for me.so, create your own scenarios and remember, imagination is good for the mind, hehehehe) After that little interlude, Kanika sat up with Naraku, who had gone and plastered himself to her side (do any of y'all know how hard it is to get plaster off your skin? I had to help my aunt plaster her basement walls and that stuff really sticks to ya. Soap and water isn't good enough for it; nooooooo, we had to 1)go all the way to Home Depot  
2)show them my plasteriness  
3)buy PLASTER SOLVENT betcha didn't know there was such a thing  
4)burn my arms off this stuff is like acid  
5)find out that it's poisonous if you let it sit on your skin  
6)call 911 to find out what to do  
7)wait 4 days for the solvent coughpoisoncough to get out of my system  
8)chip the crud off my arms, legs, hands, and feet um, where was I in my story?)  
So Naraku plastered himself to Kanika's side and they both struck off into the woods singing "Kukukuku" and dancing the dance of eternal love (you put your right foot in.) when the mood hit them (whack! Owww..)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The End!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
Okay, here is the I Like My Head song, with all appropriate hand gestures:  
  
I like my head, How 'bout you? It lets me know I'm alive, How many things can you do with your head? I can surely do at least five. (while you sing this part, put your hands spread out on both sides of your head and rotate your head from side to side with your fingers spread out)  
  
Oh I can laugh-haha! I can cry-boohoo! I can listen, I can wink, I can sneeze-achoo! All of these things I can do with my head I can do them, how about you? (on the haha part, move your hands from front to back; on the boohoo part, curl your hands into fists and move them like you're revving a motorcycle. remember to keep them at the sides of your head! On the listen part, make your hands like elephant ears; on the wink part, take only your pointer finger and your, um, "flicking" finger, point them forward while keeping the rest of your fingers curled up into the fist, and move them up and down to the beat of the song. On the achoo part, make your hands all spread out again and bob your head forwards as you fake sneeze. Got it? Good.)  
  
Count to ten, Say 'em again! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! ( in this part, all the singers should move their hands in circles as they sign the count-to-ten part. now repeat all of what you just sang, starting at the laugh part. Repeat as many times as is necessary.)  
  
Okay, the whole story behind this song is that we were at a sleepover a t Kanika's house and what she's done is taped all the Inuyasha episodes over these old Barney shows from when she was like three. Well, the taping job was really crummy, so interspersed between the Inuyasha is tidbits of Barney (sounds like an appetizer at a snooty restaurant). One of these tidbits is a song called "I Like My Head". Oh they sing and dance and generally make fools of themselves so obviously my friends and I went and memorized the song and accompanying hand motions to this wonderful song. Oh yes, it was fun.  
I would like to thank my personal friend, Roget, the thesaurus maker for helping me infinitely with the creation of this story. It could not have been done without his help (oh, okay, it probably could have, but anyways.)  
Well thanks so much for reading this little piece of my insanity! Look for my next story maybe in July. (family-togetherness vacation. Woohoo! Three whole weeks! I may commit suicide! Yay!) Anyways, have a good day and remember, dancing barefoot in your socks is not to be done on newly polished hardwood floors. 


End file.
